I often wonder why people are so patronising toward me. I
mostly assumed it was down to me being care free and laid-back. I didn’t really
take myself seriously, so why should others? This changed once I started
studying for a degree in English Literature, I started to take myself and my
life a little more seriously compared to how I had in the past. However, I was
still being treated as though my voice wasn’t as valuable as others. I knew
immediately that sexism played a role in this. However, I had no idea that why upon figuring this out I still felt perplexed.
I guess this is something that dawned on me since
coming away from an academic place. I pondered over why I still felt incapable
in comparison to my peers. I distinguished that what I felt was far too
familiar and it dawned upon me that along with sexism I had another setback:
ableism. I've always felt I had to prove myself when it came to psychical
activities because of the way I was born. I had to try extra hard just to prove
myself to others that I'm "just like you don't worry I can do everything
you can do". I didn’t think this would also take place in a setting where
there was no correlation between my disability and my performance. But, even
though I was in a classroom setting, even though I was in a place where my
physical disability wouldn't affect my performance whatsoever, I felt as though
I was being treated as such.
I think part of that stems from growing up believing
my life wasn’t worth as much as others because I was disabled. But I also think
it comes from able bodied people genuinely believing that too. I’d also like to
point out that even if my disability did have an impact on my academic studies,
would that make my point any less valid? Does it make me, or any other disabled
person unworthy of education, unworthy of a voice? Well, according to society, yes
it does, because that is exactly what is happening.
For disabled people, it is heavily ingrained in us
that it’s our fault somehow; this is who we are so we just have to deal with it
because of the cards we were dealt. Here’s what I mean: people genuinely
believe disabled people are worthy of the treatment they get because they do need assistance and different help
compared to able-bodied people. The problem with this is that instead of
blaming society for not catering to all different types of individual
disabilities, we blame the people with the disabilities themselves. Maybe not
vocally or even subconsciously, but we do. In fact, I actually did for a long time too!
You may be thinking about how I came to this
conclusion. And I’d love to tell you I conducted an intricate experiment to gain this
view but I didn’t, it is simply just how I feel*. I notice people staring, I
still get comments, confused glances, and people flinching and shuffling away.
I know my disability makes people uncomfortable because I’ve lived with it for
22 years of my life.
When I started to feel incapable I desperately wanted to
know why. I had heard that mansplaining was an issue because of the male/female classroom dynamic and I thought that was bad but now
there's able-bodied-mansplaining too? It's really aggravating having someone
else explain something with an oh-so-condescending tone; something that you
already know. The worst part is they probably know you already know because
you've just spent 10 minutes explaining it yourself before they decided to take
the lead. I’m still unsure if I feel this way because most of the men I've
encountered in academic spaces are pretentious and annoying or if this is something
that happens frequently**. As aforementioned, I haven’t carried out studies to
come to this conclusion but ask anyone who identifies outside the norm – they’ll
know exactly what I’m talking about.
I no longer want to be seen how I've always been
perceived: "the girl with one arm". Firstly, because I'm not a girl, secondly,
I'm not one arm. I'm one and a half – Or one and a Guinea (I'm attempting to
make Guinea notorious).
I hate the idea that there are so many people out
there who have earned their place somewhere but don't feel as though they're
worthy because of societal norms. So here's to the "lesser’s" and the
"loser’s": you are capable. You only feel incapable because you don’t
fit to a certain archetype of what capable is supposedly meant to be. Believe
in yourself for you are strong.
Peace and love.
* If anyone knows of any studies to back this up
please let me know
** I’d love to gain more insight into others experiences of
mansplaining and ablebodied-mansplaining (yes, I have coined this eloquent,
established new term; feel free to use it).
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